Are you a “victim” or are you taking responsibility for your life?
To most of us “independent” people, it has meant that we should get a job, earn enough money to support ourselves and not depend on anyone else for our survival. Since becoming a mother my role has dramatically changed. I no longer work, I rely on my partners income to see our family through the month and I massively depend on his support.
Last year I was in full time education, working part time around university whilst preparing myself for my travels around the world, my life was just beginning and each day was accounted for! Now my days consist of nappy changing, feeding, taxi-ing, cooking and cleaning, no surprise they all blur into one! Unfortunately this doesn’t set my soul on fire and it is not my burning purpose to get up each morning!
Noticeably, I am now playing the role of the “victim”, I have now given my power to someone or something else, in this case it is my family. This is not to say that I do not love my child or my partner, If anything I have loved them a little too much (if that is even possible). I have put aside all of my dreams and desires to ensure their happiness before my own. However, in the process I have now hit a dead end. I am no longer able to give to them because I essentially have nothing left as I haven’t looked after number one and topped up my own tank!
It is heartbreaking when you begin to see yourself as your own worst enemy. On the other hand, this realisation was my biggest blessing. If you know you can create your own dissapointment, it stands to reason that you can also create your own happiness.
Taking responsibility means never blaming anyone else for anything you are being, doing, having or feeling. We need to fully understand that us, and no one else, creates what is going on in our head.
“Well it definitely was my daughters fault that I have such lack of sleep from worrying about her”
Why didn’t I believe she would find her own way? Why did I always rescue her? Why did I make her so much an extension of myself that I expected too much from her? Why couldn’t I just let her be who she is?
“Well it certainly is my daughter’s fault that I am not moving ahead in my career”
Why haven’t I noticed that others with children are going ahead with their careers, and their children are doing fine? Why haven’t I taken up my partner’s offer to help with the kids if I want to work? Why haven’t I made any effort to gain some skills that would really help me get a job I would love?
During the past 3 months I was sure I was taking responsibility for my life. I had a beautiful family. My to do list was complete. I was completely “independent” and on top. But I wasn’t taking responsibility for my life. I was still expecting others in my life to make me happy. I finally learned there is really only one person in the world who can make me happy, and that is me!
I now assign 5 days a week to go to the gym, I set aside time to read books and write blogs, I go for long walks and explore all I hope to achieve within the next 365 days and turn ideas into actions starting with my “bumpsmumsandtums” community based in Cheshire. I also enjoy hot baths and an hour to myself, I enjoy me and most of all I love the idea of going back to work and not feeling guilty or like a lousy mum for it either.
I guess what I am trying to say is don’t feel bad for being and doing you, if you don’t give to yourself then you certainly can’t give to others!
Lots of love,