It’s funny I didn’t really know what I was capable of until I became a mum. I’m a big believer that there are lessons in everything we do.
Lets take childbirth, above anything it taught me about my own strength and ability to handle pain.
Whatever life throws at me, one way or another I can deal with it. In the midst of it all, I have also learned that I am capable of loving another beyond measure; labour is long and gruelling but despite the emotions I felt, the one that stuck was the shear worry for the safety of the child I hadn’t even met yet.
Being a mother has taught me that I really am powerful beyond measure.
I love Evie to unknown depths and being her mummy has taught me exactly what unconditional love really is and that we all have the capacity to feel it. I lose count just how many times i’ve been pooped on, sicked on, screamed at, you name it but nothing takes away that love, it is the most powerful and beautiful emotion anyone could ever experience. Being a mum as taught me that you can never love too much or too hard, it has inspired me to spread more love in the world.
Talking of emotions, it is one thing I am really learning to feel and then set free. I look at Evie, one minute she is crying the next she’s in fits of laughter. Her tantrums and cries may take a minute or two (dreaming!) but once that frustration and sadness has left her body, she allows herself to be free and move forward to experience whatever follows.
There is so much beauty in watching her experience each and every emotion, but whatever that may be she never holds on to her grievances, they never turn into stories and the baggage is certainly not carried forward with her either.
Evie has taught me that its okay to feel emotions that don’t feel like they are serving us. It is not okay to ignore them or hold onto them. That is when they do not serve their purpose of teaching us and allowing us to move on.
I will never forget the first time Evie smiled, nor the first time she began to recognise me and Dan or the first deep belly giggle, it’s scary to think just how totally immune we have become to the simple things in life that are so raw and so beautiful.
We need to get back to the essence of children, where everything is something to be in awe of and excited by.
It’s made me realise just how much we should live in the moment. Evie is growing ridiculously quick, it seems like yesterday I was bringing my little mush home from the hospital. Now she is growing into herself and the personality she is beginning to discover. It makes me realise just how often we don’t savour each moment, and before we know it our babies are grown up and gone and we wonder where the time went.
I came into my role as a parent wanting to be perfect, and at times I still do. I forever worried about the slightest thing I might do or say that could cause my child harm. As all things in life, nothing is perfect nor can it ever be. So give up the false expectation that you can be. Some days you’ll mess up, and some days worse than others. The most important thing is that you are doing the best you can from where you are with what you have.
And when the mistakes come, the most important thing you need to do is to be able to say I’m sorry; I will do better next time. A child will be alright if you do or say the wrong thing as long as they always know that you love them more than anything. Love will override all errors.
Children come into this world, knowing everything we need to know to live a happy and fulfilled life. It is only as they get older that they learn different messages from society and lose touch with that magic they were born with. Evie never stops teaching me. Her eyes are filled with wisdom and if I watch and listen closely enough, I will learn many of her secrets.